planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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