i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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