standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
