remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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