I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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