i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
