can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
