He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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