Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
