You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
