haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
even my farts smell like vagina
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
