What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
