I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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