The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
