i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
