the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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