Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
