this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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