So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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