Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
