i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
