Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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