So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
