Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
