It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
