the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
