I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
