i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
