the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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