You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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