I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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