I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
