he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
