so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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