I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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