Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
