I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
