We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
