Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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