I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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