Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
