I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize