In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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