I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
