I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
