i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
