i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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