Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
