The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
