hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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