I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
