my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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