so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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