Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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