What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
