He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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