If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
