You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
