ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
