my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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