I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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