can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
