So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
