If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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