So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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