i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Holy sore nipples Batman
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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