I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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