how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
