last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize