im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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