I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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