So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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