ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
