After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
